Finding My Voice

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I know we focus more on fiction here at Scribbleweed, but I can’t let this opportunity pass to introduce Lani Axman, blogger at Birth Faith and co-author to The Gift of Giving Life: Rediscovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth.

As an adoptive mother, I am curious about pregnancy and birth, and often find myself perusing Birth Faith. I find Lani’s writing down-and-dirty honest. She has educated me about experiences I will never have because of infertility, and helped me see how my own motherhood experiences are similar to other moms’. Over the past several years, her writing has made me cry, laugh, and sit slack-jawed. Her blog is truly inspirational, and this beautiful book on the left is a perfect gift for any mother in your life. Buy it here.

Welcome, Lani! Thank you for posting here today.


Finding My Voice

When I was in high school, there were no blogs, and only some people were using the Internet regularly. At the time I was living with my dad and step-mom in a quaint suburb of Boston, a reserved teenager with a lot of family-trauma bottled-up below my ever-studious surface. I needed an outlet.

Emma and I met in middle school and bonded over long walks in the woods and idealistic, rambling, thinking conversations about life and the things that really matter. Emma is the one who planted poetry in my heart. First, she read me her own poems, magnificent creations, like gourmet cuisine for the soul-palate. She kept notebooks full of them. Soon, I was no longer content salivating over Emma’s creations. I found my own notebook. I took up a pen, and my outlet appeared.

Some of my fondest memories from high school include the hours I spent gathered with Emma and other friends, sitting on logs and rocks, surrounded by trees, sharing poem-sized portions of our truest selves with each other.

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A decade and an English degree later, I felt I was losing my identity to the career I had chosen: full-time motherhood. I needed another outlet. Then I discovered the technology of the blog. The sharing and community I had found with my friends in the woods of New England was now available to me, limitlessly via high-speed Internet. Thoughts, ideas, stories, poems, anything could be shared. Anything.

For the first time since graduating from college, I was writing, and not for assignments or grades. I was writing what I wanted to write. I was sharing my passions with the world. And they were reading it! No publishing house necessary.

I blogged my way through an early miscarriage, through the loss of my beloved grandmother, through a harrowing battle with anxiety and depression, and through plenty of less-personal research on subjects that fascinated me.

For a writer, there are some things that cannot be adequately examined until they have been written. Words on a page, whether made of paper or pixels, have enabled me to explore parts of myself I could never have explored through thought or vocal expression alone. I have many voices, but there is one that only emerges when I write. And it has been one of my life’s greatest pleasures to become acquainted with myself and others through it.


Lani Axman

When Lani’s not busy being Mom, she writes about pregnancy and childbirth on her blog Birth Faith. She recently published The Gift of Giving Life with a group of wonderful women who share her passion for birth and motherhood. You can learn more about their book at http://thegiftofgivinglife.com.


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